Learning a new language.

I am no linguist as my trials with the beautiful Russian language will attest but where ever we go on holiday we try to learn at least a few basic words and phrases in the local language in order to be able to speak to the locals in hotels, bars and restaurants. Speaking English slowly and loudly is an unforgivable trait of my countrypeoples to which I would rather not be party. In France, a frequent destination, I know enough to get by with schoolgirl French. Similarily in Spanish speaking countries although I read better than I speak it. When we went on safari in Tanzania I learned a few words of Swahili which earned me lots of Brownie points for trying but lots of conversations where I was immediately out of my depth!
Aruba has four languages. As it is a former Dutch colony which retains a Dutch presence in the form of a Governor, Dutch is one of the official languages. Sean lived in Holland for a couple of years but everyone there speaks excellent English so he found it difficult to learn more than a couple of phrases as they all wanted to test their English skills on him. Also it involves a lot of phlegm so has never appealed to me as a language to learn. I figure it is bad enough to insult someone by speaking their language badly without spitting all over them in the attempt.
Spanish is another common language here. Being so close to South America this is understandable and easy enough for European travellers. With over a million and a half visitors, mainly American, English is also very common, with most islanders speaking at least a little. All three languages are taught in schools here. The fourth, and native language, is Papiemento, a language that was developed by the local Amerindians and African slaves in order to be able to communicate. It is a mixture of Spanish and Dutch with some other words intersprersed. Papiamento received official language status on the island in 2005.
I learned a couple of phrases such as Masha Danki (Thank you) and Bon'nochi (good night) etc before we came here and I have received great praise for such limited knowledge. For example, one evening when the maid came to turn down the bed I opened the door to find a large Aruban woman of about 60 years old who spoke very little English. She pointed to her name badge - Cecilia - and then pointed to the towels and toiletries on the trolley. 'Nada ,danki' I said. She looked surprised then handed me 2 chocolates (they usually leave chocs on the pillows when they turn down the bed). ' Masha danki' I said. Cecelia squealed with delight and cupped my face in her massive hands. She then planted a huge kiss on my cheek, before wishing me 'Bon'nochi' and dancing away down the corridor as I wished her the same.
I therefore decided to try to learn a little more Papiamento! I bought a book 'Guia Papiamentoden Cuater Idioma' (Guide to Papiamento in 4 languages) 
There are, of course, many useful phrases in the book such as 'po fabor' - please, 'No preocupabo' - don't worry, and 'Mi no sa' - I don't know. Those who know spanish will see th esimilarities. However, I think it goes beyond normal tourist, or even everyday requirements when it teaches - 'Cuanto biaha mester haci e pos bashi?' (How often does the septic tank need emptied?) or 'Unda e partera ta biba? (Where does th emidwife live?)
Personally, I think I will stick with, 'Habami oficina di tourismo, pa fabor.' (Take me to the tourist office, please). From there all things are possible.

Off road jeep safari = 3 injuries

De Palm tour operators kinda have to tour business sewn up on the island. Normally this would make me choose a smaller operator but in this case they are worth their reputation. Parts of the island are inaccessible to normal vehicles, the national park and most of the east coast for example. So we decided to take the off road jeep safari to the natural pool for some snorkeling, and to see the natural bridge, Alta vista chapel, gold smelting works and Californian lighthouse.
Our driver was Ivo, one of the happiest and liveliest people on the island. He lead the expedition of six jeeps (Land Rovers, not Range Rovers we were proudly informed) and kept us amused informed and hydrated with water stops. Our first stop was the Casi Bari rock formations which were not on the itinerary but Ivo really liked us so we would have this extra stop! From there we went off road into the national park and down to the natural pool, protected from the pounding surf of the Eastern Caribbean sea but filled with colourful fishies. It was truly an idyllic spot but then you realise you are sharing it with 50 other people and it is pretty crowded for idyllic! Trying to snorkel among a tangle of limbs in a very limited space is a skill I feel I should add to my CV. Talking with Ivo after the snorkel, I acquired the nickname, The Fire Lady because of the colour of my hair! My hair has been the recipient of many compliments on the island and I can safely say I am the only person here with orange hair. It certainly turns heads in a way that would never happen at home!
The off road safari was a great ride to some of the most amazing sites and across an incredible landscape. The sun was setting as we made our way back to the hotel, a perfect end to a perfect day. The injuries? One enormous purple bruise due to extreme contact between my thigh and an immovable hand grip on the jeep, a sliced palm due to vicious attack by coral and sunburnt shoulders due to stupidity. All part of the fun.

Aruba, One Happy Island

When I go on my travels I usually begin with a Tale of Woe about the Extraordinary service we regularly receive from KLM. This time - and I don't quite know if I am delighted or disappointed - we caught our flights on time (there was a slight delay in take off from Aberdeen due to the atrocious weather) arrived in Amsterdam in time and boarded our flight to Aruba without hitch and even arrived at the Queen Beatrix airport on the island with our luggage. The flight was excellent - business class has a lot to recomend it - the food was great and an extensive choice of films and entertainment from which to choose. So no Tale of Woe this time. Sorry.
We are staying at the Marriott Tradewinds which has lots of all inclusive perks within the main Marriott and Stellaris resort. Again, no Tale of Woe here. The staff are wonderfully friendly and helpful, the room is spacious with a balcony and sea view (including 2 pirate ships moored just off the beach) and the temperature was a joyous 31 degrees. In fact, all in all, the worst I can say about our travel here is that we were pretty tired when we arrived and were in bed by 9pm.
Today, after a breakfast that would have fed several families, we took a taxi to the Zoutman Willem III tower, a quaint little museum with the most wonderful tableaux of scenes from Aruba's history made with dolls. On one exhibit of rural life there was a plastic spider set on the roof of a traditional house with a rat in the rafters that was actually smaller than the spider! It was very twee but actually told the story of colonialism quite well and would certainly have been a great place to take kids. The actual tower is small and has a winding staircase in it up to the clock tower. We asked at the desk if we were allowed up stairs to be told that 'My boss has his office up there and he isn't worth visiting!'
Aruba is known as One Happy Island and it certainly lives up to it's name. Everyone is very friendly and willing to help or just have a chat. After the tower we went to the Archeological Museum which was fantastic. Small but perfectly presented...and free. They have some terrific artefacts from the original Amerindian peoples who settled here and it is well displayed and, again, really suitable for children with activities relating to the displays for them.
We had lunch at Iguana Joe's. I had the local pasties with chicken and Sean had a tortilla wrap with chicken chilli and cheese. The pasties were delicious, a bit like samosas with a coronation chicken style filling. Sean's tortilla wrap order resulted in the death of at least three chickens and half the dutch cheese exports for a year! That was before they added the fries and salad! Poor soul, only managed to eat half of it. We also tried the local beer called Balashi.
After such a full morning it was back to the hotel and onto the beach for some serious sun worship. It is the quiet season now so not busy at all. Very relaxing. At the poolside bar where we stopped for Happy Hour. Sean took a school boy fit of the giggles while looking at the menu and made me order our Sex on the Beach cocktails! So juvenile!
Relaxing over, we are now heading to the Steak restaurant downstairs in the lobby.
Sadly no humourous tales of woe yet. Perhaps tomorrow's planned jeep safari which comes with a medical exclusion list that includes kidney and back problems or pregnancy. The woman at the desk didn't actually say that with a straight face while looking at me. It could be a bumpy ride!

Hertz Gold Service.

Our annual break in France with our friends, Tony and Sue, is always a welcome break and time to recharge the batteries. It is rarely, however, problem free. Luggage has been lost, French has been spoken badly, sat navs have led us astray on the most bizarre routes. This year was to prove no different although it was a new issue that we have never encountered before. This year's adventure was with our Hertz hire car.
We decided to take a couple of days out to travel into Spain and explore the Mediterranean coast around Perpignan. Tony and Sue had visited the area previously as other friends had originally lived there (but now live in the Ariege)but we had never been down there and we would visit various new places too. We had booked into a lovely old chateau in Ortaffa and planned three days of culture, culinary pleasures and exploration. After our first foray into Spain we decided to drive up the coast back into France and stop in Collioure for a bite to eat before returning to the Chateau. As we drove down into the pretty town one of the front tyres was attacked by one of those kerbs that sometimes jump out at you. (so Sean claimed, anyway) We didn't think much about it until we stopped and checked it. It had lost some pressure but nothing too serious. It would probably get us back to the chateau but just in case, Sean and Tony decided to change the wheel before we went for dinner.
Sleeves rolled up and all ready to manfully change the wheel, they were somewhat flummoxed when they opened the boot and found an empty wheel-shaped space where a spare should be! Never mind, we thought. Lets go for dinner and hope it hasn't lost more pressure before we get back and it will get us back to the hotel at least.
Hah! Not likely! On returning to the car, the flat tyre was exactly that, flat! (They actually call it un flat, apparently!)I phoned Hertz and explained the situation. 'Are you aware there is no spare tyre?' asked the helpful Severianne. 'We are now!' I replied, trying to convey my surprise at this situation.
So, a mechanic had to be sent out. We, naively, thought he would bring a wheel with him but in hindsight that would have been too easy!. 45 minutes later a flatbed truck took our hire car away to Perpignan and a further call to the helpful Severianne produced a taxi to take us all back to the chateau at a break neck speed and a tendency to crawl right up behind cars in front and flash lights at them! The driver, however, was very chatty and found it hilarious that there was no spare wheel in the car.
As we were somewhat perplexed at the lack of spare wheel we checked the French regulations. A car must have spare lights or the means to repair lights, 2 hi-viz vests and an emergency warning triangle. It is not, however, required to have a spare! If there is a spare it must be in usable condition - I guess that means that if you need to change the wheel it is illegal to take the damaged wheel in the car. Go figure!
The next morning we waited in the chateau for a call from Hertz to let us know when the car was ready to pick up. By 11.30 we were getting restless so I called again and talked with Julien, a very pleasant and helpful chap. The car could not be repaired (!)- but it only had a flat tyre! - but they were looking for a car for us in Perpignan. Great, I said. Julien was sorry, however, that there wasn't a car available in Perpignan. What? Any kind of car?! Sadly, no! OK, where was there a car available? Perhaps in Carcassone. But that's two and a half hours away! (And we would have to go there to collect it and then drive it back!)A car was expected to be available after 2.00 pm though, in Perpignan. I explained my displeasure to Julien and said I would call back after I had discussed the situation.
As the car would be in Perpignan when they found one (we were refusing to go to Carcassone) we thought it best to take a trip into the city for some sight seeing in the meantime. I called Julien again and explained that he should send us a taxi to take us to Perpignan and when a car was found we would collect it from there. All good, we thought.
Hah! By 2.30 we hadn't had a call so Sean phoned. No car in Perpignan at all! But, our original car had been repaired and was ready for collection, said Guillaume. (we were working our way through all Hertz customer service staff at a steady rate) Wonderful! Can you give us the address of the garage in Perpignan where we can collect it? Eh, no! It's not in Perpignan. It's in Collioure. WHAT!? And Hertz will not provide a taxi as you have had 2 already. They would e-mail the address of the garage to Sean immediately.
We adjourned to a cafe to cool down!
30 minutes later and still no e-mail with the address. I phoned Hertz in high dudgeon! Julien and Guillaume were not available but Jason would be happy to help. Ah yes, Mrs Laing we have a car for you in Perpignan. Really? Yes, and here is the address...oh, wait a minute...(Silence) Terribly sorry Mrs Laing but your car is in Collioure. But you just said you had one in Perpignan. We will take that one. There are no cars in Perpignan, Mrs Laing. OK Jason. Listen up. You will send us a taxi to take us to our car. Not possible. You've had 2 already. I really don't care how many we have had, Jason. Get me a taxi NOW! (Silence) Taxi is on it's way. Where are you? How should I bloody know!? I'm in a cafe in the middle of a foreign city!
After asking the cafe owner to give address details to Jason we were picked up by taxi and taken to Collioure. Happy ending?
Not quite yet! As I hadn't been told the address of the garage in Collioure, I asked the taxi driver if he knew where he was going. Yes, of course, madam. Great! Anyone want to guess where the address was? Yup! Where the car had been towed from! Thankfully,a friendly gendarme helped the driver find the local Opel garage and we got our car back at last.
Well, not quite yet! You see, the other front tyre was a Michelin and this garage only had Goodyears. Both front tyres have to be the same. (There are no hire cars in Perpignan and no Michelin tyres in a French garage? Ye Gods!)After a quick trip to a neighbouring town the garage owner got our car back on the road. It had only taken 20 hours, several phone calls and a taxi bill of around 200 euros for Hertz. Oh, and did I say this was their Gold Service?