Hertz Gold Service.

Our annual break in France with our friends, Tony and Sue, is always a welcome break and time to recharge the batteries. It is rarely, however, problem free. Luggage has been lost, French has been spoken badly, sat navs have led us astray on the most bizarre routes. This year was to prove no different although it was a new issue that we have never encountered before. This year's adventure was with our Hertz hire car.
We decided to take a couple of days out to travel into Spain and explore the Mediterranean coast around Perpignan. Tony and Sue had visited the area previously as other friends had originally lived there (but now live in the Ariege)but we had never been down there and we would visit various new places too. We had booked into a lovely old chateau in Ortaffa and planned three days of culture, culinary pleasures and exploration. After our first foray into Spain we decided to drive up the coast back into France and stop in Collioure for a bite to eat before returning to the Chateau. As we drove down into the pretty town one of the front tyres was attacked by one of those kerbs that sometimes jump out at you. (so Sean claimed, anyway) We didn't think much about it until we stopped and checked it. It had lost some pressure but nothing too serious. It would probably get us back to the chateau but just in case, Sean and Tony decided to change the wheel before we went for dinner.
Sleeves rolled up and all ready to manfully change the wheel, they were somewhat flummoxed when they opened the boot and found an empty wheel-shaped space where a spare should be! Never mind, we thought. Lets go for dinner and hope it hasn't lost more pressure before we get back and it will get us back to the hotel at least.
Hah! Not likely! On returning to the car, the flat tyre was exactly that, flat! (They actually call it un flat, apparently!)I phoned Hertz and explained the situation. 'Are you aware there is no spare tyre?' asked the helpful Severianne. 'We are now!' I replied, trying to convey my surprise at this situation.
So, a mechanic had to be sent out. We, naively, thought he would bring a wheel with him but in hindsight that would have been too easy!. 45 minutes later a flatbed truck took our hire car away to Perpignan and a further call to the helpful Severianne produced a taxi to take us all back to the chateau at a break neck speed and a tendency to crawl right up behind cars in front and flash lights at them! The driver, however, was very chatty and found it hilarious that there was no spare wheel in the car.
As we were somewhat perplexed at the lack of spare wheel we checked the French regulations. A car must have spare lights or the means to repair lights, 2 hi-viz vests and an emergency warning triangle. It is not, however, required to have a spare! If there is a spare it must be in usable condition - I guess that means that if you need to change the wheel it is illegal to take the damaged wheel in the car. Go figure!
The next morning we waited in the chateau for a call from Hertz to let us know when the car was ready to pick up. By 11.30 we were getting restless so I called again and talked with Julien, a very pleasant and helpful chap. The car could not be repaired (!)- but it only had a flat tyre! - but they were looking for a car for us in Perpignan. Great, I said. Julien was sorry, however, that there wasn't a car available in Perpignan. What? Any kind of car?! Sadly, no! OK, where was there a car available? Perhaps in Carcassone. But that's two and a half hours away! (And we would have to go there to collect it and then drive it back!)A car was expected to be available after 2.00 pm though, in Perpignan. I explained my displeasure to Julien and said I would call back after I had discussed the situation.
As the car would be in Perpignan when they found one (we were refusing to go to Carcassone) we thought it best to take a trip into the city for some sight seeing in the meantime. I called Julien again and explained that he should send us a taxi to take us to Perpignan and when a car was found we would collect it from there. All good, we thought.
Hah! By 2.30 we hadn't had a call so Sean phoned. No car in Perpignan at all! But, our original car had been repaired and was ready for collection, said Guillaume. (we were working our way through all Hertz customer service staff at a steady rate) Wonderful! Can you give us the address of the garage in Perpignan where we can collect it? Eh, no! It's not in Perpignan. It's in Collioure. WHAT!? And Hertz will not provide a taxi as you have had 2 already. They would e-mail the address of the garage to Sean immediately.
We adjourned to a cafe to cool down!
30 minutes later and still no e-mail with the address. I phoned Hertz in high dudgeon! Julien and Guillaume were not available but Jason would be happy to help. Ah yes, Mrs Laing we have a car for you in Perpignan. Really? Yes, and here is the address...oh, wait a minute...(Silence) Terribly sorry Mrs Laing but your car is in Collioure. But you just said you had one in Perpignan. We will take that one. There are no cars in Perpignan, Mrs Laing. OK Jason. Listen up. You will send us a taxi to take us to our car. Not possible. You've had 2 already. I really don't care how many we have had, Jason. Get me a taxi NOW! (Silence) Taxi is on it's way. Where are you? How should I bloody know!? I'm in a cafe in the middle of a foreign city!
After asking the cafe owner to give address details to Jason we were picked up by taxi and taken to Collioure. Happy ending?
Not quite yet! As I hadn't been told the address of the garage in Collioure, I asked the taxi driver if he knew where he was going. Yes, of course, madam. Great! Anyone want to guess where the address was? Yup! Where the car had been towed from! Thankfully,a friendly gendarme helped the driver find the local Opel garage and we got our car back at last.
Well, not quite yet! You see, the other front tyre was a Michelin and this garage only had Goodyears. Both front tyres have to be the same. (There are no hire cars in Perpignan and no Michelin tyres in a French garage? Ye Gods!)After a quick trip to a neighbouring town the garage owner got our car back on the road. It had only taken 20 hours, several phone calls and a taxi bill of around 200 euros for Hertz. Oh, and did I say this was their Gold Service?