Toilet Skills.

One doesn't normally talk about toilets and such activities in polite company but I feel this post will be helpful for those who, like me, are toiletly challenged. Of course I learned at a young age how to use a toilet. You know the type. Basic. Sit. Bit we won't talk about. Flush. Leave with a contented smile on your face having achieved what one had set out to achieve. However, there are modern contraptions that do all that and sing and dance at the same time. I have encountered a couple of the 'Bells and Whistles' type and I have to say I have not come away from the experience entirely happy with my skills.
My first encounter, as I'm sure many people's is, was what I will call 'The French Model'. Hole in the ground, hang on (if it is an advanced model with bars on the wall) etc. The most challenging of these was in the Ngorongoro crater in Tanzania (no hand rail, terrible stench and possibility of roaming lions). All I will say is that trying to complete the toilet duty while simultaneously trying to keep clothing and camera equipment safe from unknown liquids on the 'floor' was an exercise in juggling and balancing worthy of a talented circus act.
Then there was the encounter with the modern Japanese contraption that washed and blow-dried the relevant delicate parts in the maternity home where Senior Bomber made his entry to the world. The sound effects of squeaks and gasps from the new Mum's who attempted the full laundry cycle  was entertaining until it was my turn...A similar contraption was encountered in Luxor many years later. It came with a hand book and required an advanced degree in engineering to understand its every whim.
The toilets in Schiphol airport, Amsterdam, are not fancy. They don't require particular balancing skills or specific knowledge to use successfully. However, the problem here is that they have 'automatic' flushes. That is, it flushes when it senses that the user has completed the relevant activities and has moved from the sitting position. All well and good, you might think. But are you prepared to exit said cubicle in expectation that said toilet will then flush itself? It appears very few people are prepared to accept the risk that the toilet will, in fact, complete its duties satisfactorily and in a timely manner. Hence long queues of needy travelers waiting on a free cubicle while the occupant tries to get the toilet to flush by moving nearer to the door, waving their hands in front of the sensors, pinning themselves against the walls to try to convince the toilet they are no longer in the vicinity etc. It's a nerve-wracking experience. And you have a flight to catch...